Violent Events: How To Comfort Your Child

Few events are as devastating as a school shooting or other violent event. Maybe discussing mass violence with your kids wasn't on your parenting radar before. But it is now.

Hiding the news of shootings and violent events from children and teens often isn't an option: Kids see news coverage on TV, scroll through social media, overhear people talking about it and practice active shooter drills at school.

You may be wondering what you can do to help your child cope. Here are some tips to guide conversations with your child and help reassure them during troubling times:

Limit News Exposure

You might find it helpful to filter TV news shows. Research indicates that young children don't understand that video replays are the same event - they think it's a separate occurrence each time. And for older kids, continuing to see disturbing images keeps negative thoughts at the forefront of their minds. So limiting your child's exposure to news coverage of distressing events can help lessen the trauma for them.

Consider switching channels or turning off the TV when coverage of the news story airs. Try reading news updates online instead, or record a TV news program to watch after your child goes to bed.

And be careful what you talk about in front of your children. Even if you think they aren't paying attention to a grown-up conversation, they're likely listening.

Start A Conversation

How can you explain shootings or other senseless acts of violence to your child? The answer: You don't have to. What's most important are to let your child talk about thoughts, feelings and concerns and for you to offer reassurances.

Start a conversation by asking what your child has heard. This will give you a sense of what information your child already and is a good chance to correct any misinformation.

Show your child you’re listening by putting down distractions, like your phone, and maintaining eye contact while your child is talking. Respond first by repeating what you heard the child say and maybe ask, “Did I get that right?” before responding.

Then ask if your child has any questions. Your child's concerns and knowledge about the event can guide the conversation. Be honest but keep your answers appropriate for your child's age and understanding.

Sometimes children need more than one conversation to process what happened, especially if they have additional questions or kids are talking about the shooting at school. If your child seems to be lingering around you more than usual, it may be a clue that they want to talk. Younger kids may also express their fears or concerns through drawings or imaginary play.

Provide Reassurances

Many kids fear that a shooting or other violent will occur at their school, home or other safe place to them. How can you address those concerns?

• Acknowledge that bad things do happen occasionally.
• Explain that the likelihood of such an event happening to your child is very small.
• Describe actions that parents, teachers and police are taking to keep kids safe.
• Explain that all the kids in school can be a part of school safety. Encourage your child to tell a teacher or trusted adult if they hear someone making threats or acting in a way that makes them uncomfortable.

Let them know that it is normal to have negative emotions, such as fear and anger. In addition, talk with them about ways that you manage these emotions and identify positive ways to cope, such as getting exercise, doing something active and fun, or getting together with friends

Find Ways To Help

Turning concern into action can be a healthy way for you and your child to channel any worries you may have. It gives you a sense of control and something positive to focus on. Get involved with an organization that is helping the affected families. You can send supportive cards, attend a rally or talk to your local government representative or school board about ways to make schools safer.

Notice Behavior Changes In Your Child

It's normal for your child to have some anxiety after learning about a violent event. Talking about it with your child and providing reassurances often helps the anxiety ease over time. However, if you notice signs of continuing anxiety or depression, seek the help of a behavioral health professional or see a pediatrician.